Too Lengthy; Didn’t Watch — Varna Problem Cup

Clearly you didn’t watch, so right here’s what went down.

• Why is nothing occurring?

• You don’t also have a group of 9-year-old boys with a “totally different studying fashion” who can soar rope in a circle to Coldplay like at a standard world cup?

• So Olly has to vamp for 38 minutes about his analysis into historical Bulgarian gold hoards

• The ground boys have lastly arrived from their subject journey to the outsized shorts manufacturing unit

• Aurel Benovic has withdrawn and is changed by Peter Dinklage’s secret Austrian son Martin

• Taking two deep breaths afterward is a part of the size requirement

• Asil tries to slide out to go to a greater social gathering however will get caught

• Nope, sit there as we choose you. Nope. Nonetheless nope. Three hours left.

• Butcher has to STAND IN BALANCE OUTRAGE

• That is ground. That is appropriate. That is Marcus Casamento.

• It’s artistry although, so the lads’s committee wanted to place it into the machine to see if it was too homosexual

• However it handed! Bronze medal! Hooray!

• Romania, what is that this and why is it a colon?

• The Penev brothers go 1-2!

• However we do have a “no shirt, no footwear, no silver medal” coverage right here in Varna

• I imply come on, this isn’t Plovdiv

• Sadly, all medalists are mechanically conscripted into the navy. Sorrryyyyyy.

• We obtained a bag of ketchup and forks!

• On to the Yurchenko fulls ultimate

• “Effectively that’s helpful”

• Sass Olly is the most effective Olly

• When you need to watch all these EuroKarens who don’t even have DTYs

• However then Georgieva falls on her second vault and solely will get silver

• Additionally Georgieva and Gunnarsdottir each jack their legs and the overall response is

• Olly waited an entire equipment to say that it’s Eurovision week. It’s referred to as restraint.

• You get a 0.2 bonus on vault now for including nothing

• Nobody can win a vault title with a handspring tuck

• Oh however you possibly can whenever you’re a vault specialist like Ruby Stacey

• Have we thought-about it as a Problem Cup slogan?

• Now let’s welcome the gents for the Who Doesn’t Have Hip Bones ultimate

• Hm, Tiktok says that pommel horse was invented by Druid elders to trick the Knights Templar into believing the moon touchdown. Famous.

• The three true outcomes on pommel horse are hit, fall, and dislocated perineum throughout your Mikulak

• Lee Chih Kai’s leg will get hit by a slab of unfastened air mid-routine

• Are you not entertained????

• Rayan Radkov was introduced as Ryan Reynolds and I dare you to inform me in any other case

• The successful pommel horse with out sticking development is actual

• Guess what, the uneven bars are damaged.

• No, attempt to look extra shocked

• Should you cowl it up, meaning it’s fastened

• Oh god they’re damaged once more

• Olly has entered the “proto-Slavic phrase origins” portion of his commentary. Somebody save this man with a routine.

• Dismounting with a structure like a baby in a world cup ultimate is ok, however heaven forbid a transition be greater than E

• #2 qualifier Roper does a pak to floor pound

• Now Ruby Stacey sticks a double entrance. Wow, Bulgaria have to be her favourite -aria

• Selina Kickinger is up subsequent

• Why did Jenny Rowland begin sporting shin guards? Selina Kickinger

• Nola Matthews says “Not Immediately, Sveta” throughout her toe full on the low bar, clinching gold

• However then additionally says, oh I didn’t do something bizarre with my physique in the course of the precise bars ultimate. Time to make up for it!

• While you’re taking day out to evaluate Problem Cup rings proper earlier than heading to Parmistan to tackle The Recreation together with your Gymkata

• “The readability of touchdown not there”

• Asil is just going to dismount with a double lay and nonetheless make you all look silly

• Did I win a medal, no, however I did win a hernia

• Fortunate for Villafañe, the brand new bronze medal tiebreak is Give Us A Smile

• Jovtchev presents the rings medals and tells everybody he may nonetheless beat them whereas sporting a banana swimsuit and consuming a tostada

• The factor about being a former gymnast is that you simply want the coach to do a therapeutic massage gun session earlier than you do…standing

• Nobody’s leg has fallen off in the course of the males’s vault finallllll

• We simply have a number of gentle nervous breakdowns throughout double fronts. Nothing that may’t be fastened with medication and alcohol.

• Eddie Penev hits a powerful Shewfelt for bronze

• Shewfelt. Males’s gymnastics has instituted a brand new “Name it a Manmanar, Get Stitches” coverage. They’re so delicate.

• Uh oh, Trinh posts the quantity for a Shewfelt however solely does a DTY

• Liar liar shorts on fireplace.

• Additionally, Vietnam, you could possibly promote these shorts to bored gays for $177 apiece. Simply if it’s good to elevate competitors funds or one thing

• The yellow-crested Sponevik—the nationwide chicken of Norway—hits a Draglescu for the highest single vault rating of the ultimate and a silver medal

• No getting up, sir! Sit there blankly in your fall! Style it!

• Tseng does a Zimmerman for gold, and Olly has now reached double rainbow ranges of rapture

• Stability beam seems to be a keep on, win gold sort of affair

• Clearly, the primary three beamers fall, however then Roper saves hers with an enormous lean and ruins every part for me personally

• Can’t I simply have one beam ultimate the place all 8 fall?

• This can be a transfer referred to as “I imply it’s only a problem cup”

• Now that’s a fall. Take notes.

• It might look easy, however doing the cancan throughout a bat assault might be one of many HARDEST elements of a beam routine.

• Nikol Stoimenova is like, why don’t you simply do a again tuck and keep on and get bronze.

• No that’s high-quality I didn’t have to see it

• I suppose Kickinger’s foot closeup is sufficient for silver?

• Olly is telling us about Theophanes the Confessor, which may solely imply one factor

• PBars warmups take foreverrrrrrrrrr

• Oooh, Dinh thought he had the “don’t absolutely physique verify the equipment” championship within the bag

• However then Tvorogal is available in and completely crushes him

• Melander with a stellar demonstration of the “fuck this universe specifically” stick

• Nowhere within the code does it say you possibly can’t sigh a complete windstorm and roll your eyes to Mars earlier than quarter-heartedly capturing a basketball as your salute

• It’s not his fault that Arican popped in to be like “sufficient of that racket I’ve a gold medal to win” in the midst of his inventive endeavor

• Sofus Heggemsnes is available in to virtually fall on each single ability

• Ergashev takes bronze over Dinh on the execution tiebreak

• In case your ground routine isn’t a couple of deranged chicken goddess who’s kidnapping the idea of duality, are you able to even enter a problem cup?

• Gold medalist Nola Matthews may truly solely be the third-most haunted marionette on this ultimate. Worldwide competitors actuality verify!

• When the man calls you Celine as a substitute of Celeste

• So, you recognize, that is Celine’s fault

• That is additionally Celine’s fault

• Celine is sort of a bitch

• Seems to be like Memmel is on the judging panel

• Our coach can also be the referee: a gymnastics story

• Antea Sikic Kaucic on footwork, leaps, and kicking

• win a medal whereas doing a complete double tuck out of bounds, by Jennifer Williams

• “She’ll open her routine with Maloney to Pak…”

• “Flooring is a chance for her to indicate off her character”

• So I suppose Thelma’s character is fixed screaming gargoyle. No different potential clarification. Your ground routine is your character.

• Effectively now I don’t know what to suppose

• Charlize Mörz has been launched as Charleems Mwebs

• Mwebs is the haunted marionette with essentially the most tumblies, which wins silver

• The excessive bar ultimate opens with Robert Tvorogal and oh he hit and that’s it, the ultimate is over

• My proposal to simply compete in reverse order of qualification standings was as soon as once more thrown into the good thought shredder

• Sofus does a Liukin after which the feed cuts out for half-hour

• I don’t know what meaning, nevertheless it means one thing

• Georgiou wins silver and Asil wins bronze and I don’t know no matter it’s over

• No wait, this shirt is the brand new Problem Cup slogan